Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
