Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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