If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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