Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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