I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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