You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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