I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wear drunk well.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
