Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
