This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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