people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
