i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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