The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
