Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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