I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
