Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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