My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
