I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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