Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
