the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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