I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
