He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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