girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
