I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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