where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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