i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
