I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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