Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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