i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
