I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
