Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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