The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
