it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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