I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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