Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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