I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
