Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
