I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
