The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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