You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
