i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
