mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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