remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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