After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize