do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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