One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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