Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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