Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
