I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
