After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
