How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
