Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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