Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
