yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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