they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
please come you make the beer taste better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
