I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
