Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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