Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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