Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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