Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize