There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
