I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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