and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
